It amazes me how much favor God has given me when honestly I don’t deserve it.
I’ve hurt so many with my selfish/inconsiderate ways that I’m shocked that God puts it in people’s hearts to forgive me and extend grace.
When we talk or think about forgiveness, we often only bring it up in the context of ourselves being the forgivers. I know that’s been the case for me.
All of my 32 years of life and today (11/05/23) is probably the first time I’m acknowledging the power of forgiveness as it pertains to someone else.
To be honest, the two people who forgave me today have every to hate me, curse me or not forgive me, but they chose not to.
Although I didn’t ask for their forgiveness nor want to or see us connecting again, I’m super fucking lucky that they did.
Despite what you may precieve of me, I’m not heartless.
The hurt I’ve caused to others who didn’t deserve it weighs heavily on me like other past events in my life, but I’m so lucky (blessed) that God guided them to forgive me and that God himself has forgiven me time and time and time and time, times ten, again.
“I couldn’t have been that bad if they/God forgave me.” I’m glad I didn’t go there.
No matter how good I am/may have been to those people, it doesn’t take away the fact that I hurt them.
And that’s something I’m still struggling to forgive myself for.
But my favorite saying is “the only direction from down is up.”
Not going to lie, I kind of want to take credit for that quote, but I’m pretty sure I’ve heard it somewhere or some variation of it a while ago and it stuck with me ever since, in a good way.
So if you don’t take away anything else from this very personal/yet educational piece, know that the only other direction from down is up and if you want to continue going up, don’t put a ceiling on your growth.