So, You Got Curved?

You’ve been seeing someone for sometime or you’ve had your eye on someone for x-amount of time. That person reveals through text they are just not that into you. You do what many people do when they are stuck on a problem and “Google it.” Upon searching on Google you come across an article written by [shameless unplug] and they’re claiming to be the expert(s) on how one should respond to being curved via text. You click on their article and you see these responses.

1. No worries at all. Seriously, thanks for letting me know.
2. I understand and thanks for being honest. Good luck out there!
3. It’s been fun and I’m sorry things didn’t workout. But that’s just how it goes sometimes and I totally get it.
4. Hmm. Now what I’m gonna do with this engagement ring? LOL but seriously, I appreciate you for being honest.
5. Hey, thanks got just telling me how you feel. That’s way classier than just ghosting. Best of luck out there!
6. Cool. Friends it is.
7. That’s okay. I totally understand. It was still really fun getting to know you.
8. It’s cool. See you around sometime.
9. No problem. Sorry if that was awkward. Friends?
10. I know that’s probably a really hard message to write, so even though it’s not the answer I was hoping for I want you to know I appreciate you being honest.
11. I can’t lie that’s a bummer but I get it. Wanna be friends?
12. New phone, who dis? Just kidding thanks for telling me the truth.
13. I think you misspelled “you’re my soulmate.” LOL, just kidding. Thanks for telling me.
14. They say honesty is the best policy and I wouldn’t expect anything less from someone like you.
15. Don’t text anything. You’re too busy to “sweat replying” to someone who isn’t feeling you in the way that you deserve.

Slow clap for the effort put into this cringe worthy advice. If it wasn’t for that Apple Tv “WAP” discussion this would’ve been the worst relationship advice I heard in 2020. Shout out to my dude Kyle of the “12Kyle” podcast for bringing this list to my attention. I enjoyed the laughs both he and this article brought me.

My Response To Your Response.

So you took the advice from the dweeb(s) who wrote that article. I’m disappointed in you. Have no fear, the savior is here. As author of “Relationship Advice From A Nobody” I am the BEST person to give you free relationship advice because that book is free and everyone knows once you’ve written a book on a subject that makes you the expert on said subject… Here’s my response to foolish advice you just took from a non-expert.

1. “No worries at all. Seriously thanks for letting me know.” This is actually not bad advice. A broken clock is right twice a day so I wouldn’t be too excited if I were you.
2. I understand and thanks for being honest. Good luck out there! Boy, you fucked up. You should have shutted the fuck up right after you said “I understand and thanks for the honesty.” That’s it. That’s the reply.
3. “It’s been fun and I’m sorry things didn’t workout. But that’s just how it goes sometimes and I totally get it.” First and foremost, never apologize for romantic relationships not working out unless it didn’t workout because you’re utter shite. You’re right, that is the way things go sometimes but you don’t say that to them. You say that to yourself and you move the on. Play Janet Jackson’s “that’s the way love goes” if you need to and dance the pain away. DON’T send her/him/them the video and if you don’t want to be clowned by assholes like me don’t post it on social media. Your response to the person should be “it’s been fun.” That’s it.
4. “Hmm. Now what Imma do with this engagement ring? LOL but seriously, I appreciate you for being honest.” What the fuck is this? Is this supposed to be funny? You know what’s worse about this is I think I’ve used this before in my young lame days. This isn’t about me, this is about me judging you and pretending to be perfect and smarter because I’ve written a book relating to this topic. Throw the top of this text away and just leave it at “I appreciate you for being honest.”
5. “Hey, thanks for just telling me how you feel. That’s way classier than just ghosting. Best of luck out there!” First of all, what’s with the passive aggressive hostility? Whoever ghosted you in the past I don’t blame them. You sound like you’re unbearable to talk to, you don’t take honesty well and a little psychotic. I can only imagine what you do when you’re denied a job. “Thanks for telling me” would suffice. None of that extra-passive aggressive shit that probably got you curved in the first place. Work that shit out and stop taking out your frustrations on undeserving people.
6. Cool. Friends it is! You almost had it. Why did you did you do that? Why did you impose a friendship onto somebody who probably doesn’t want one with you? What makes you think that is okay for you to do? “Cool” would’ve gotten you cool points with me. You’ve ruined that.
7. That’s okay. I totally understand. It was still really fun getting to know you. I have nothing bad to say about this one. This was the second time you’ve been correct today. Job well done, broken clock.
8. It’s Cool. See you around sometime. Don’t say that. Don’t do that, again. You’re imposing some type of relationship onto someone who hasn’t made it clear that they’re fine with that relationship. This only makes sense if you actually know the person from elsewhere and y’all tried to make something happen but it didn’t because “that’s the way love goes.” If she/he/they live in your apartment complex, work at your job, go to the same school, shop at the same stores or have the same friend group then saying this would make sense. I still advise that you just leave it at “it’s cool” because sometimes what’s known doesn’t need to be said. You don’t have to remind them that you’ll see each other if you two have places in common. They know they’ll eventually see you around. Don’t make things awkward when y’all do see each other and move on. Dance the pain away if you need to and be mindful of what will happen if I were to ever see that.
9. No problem. Sorry if that was awkward. Friends? YOU just made it awkward. You’re once again apologizing for not being someone’s type. We’ve already established that’s a big “no no” unless you’re absolutely trash. I take it that you’re not, but awkward you are. And what’s with this friends shit? Fam, SHE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU! “No problemo” would have been the perfect response for your awkward ass. You would’ve gotten side eyed by me still but I’d at least take you out for ice cream after a few seconds of it.
10. I know that’s probably a really hard message to write, so even though it’s not the answer I was hoping for I want you to know I appreciate you being honest. Who do you think you are? You might as well have responded “you’re loss, sweetcheeks” and kept it moving with your cocky ass. How do you know that was hard for her/him/them to type out? They could’ve been having the time of their life rejecting you and for good reason. It sounds like you’re a jerk with white privilege so every no that you get means there’s something wrong with the individual saying no and nothing wrong with you.
11. I can’t lie. That’s a bummer, but I get it. Wanna be friends? I can’t lie, that was cringey. Wanna throw your phone in the Atlantic Ocean? “That’s unfortunate, but I understand” would’ve have been fine. STOP PROPOSITIONING FRIENDSHIPS!!!!!
12. New Phone, who dis? Just kidding. Thanks for telling me the truth. Is it really hard for you all to not be so goddamn corny? You thought you’d get them to laugh and have a second thought about you? All you did was irritate me. “Thanks for telling me” would have been fine, weirdo.
13. “I think you misspelled “you’re my soulmate.” LOL, just kidding. Thanks for telling me.” Yeet yourself into a trash dump, bruh. This aint it. I can see why they curved you, weirdo.
14. “They say honesty is the best policy and I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.” SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMPPP! Look at you trying to get back in good graces so you can continue the conquest of “get them drawls.” You dirty dog, you. This has to be one of the worst ones on the list. Anyone can tell how disingenuous this response is and most of all, it’s simping. Nobody likes a simp. You don’t really care about her honesty, you’re just trying to make her feel bad for not wanting you. Women get pressured enough by men to settle for their lame asses and they get nothing out of it. This aint it. “Thanks for the honesty.” That is it.
15. “Don’t text anything. You’re too busy to “sweat replying” to someone who isn’t feeling you in the way you deserve.” This is advice from the author(s) of the original post. Why the fuck would you make a list of 14 cringe worthy responses to being curved via text if your last bit of advice to the desperate reader is to not text that person back and move on to some busy work? Absolutely disgusting the things people will write for clicks. I’m guessing they made this list knowing that their “sound advice” would be to not text back and move on but typing that won’t take long nor will it contribute much to “watch time” or “reading time” since this isn’t a YouTube video. Y’all took relationship advice from a self-centered weirdo snowflake who just wanted clicks and revenue. I want clicks and revenue, too, but I at least give you something worth reading from top to bottom. With that being said, yeah, the creator of this post is actually right. Don’t respond and move on.

My book Relationship Advice From A Nobody. https://tablo.io/write/relationship-advice-from-a-nobody/e8670f5d-42f5-49b1-b1f5-8c094f06c069