I’m Not Black.
Life as a former black man is confusing.
Unlicensed and unwanted (but very persistent) masseuse, unlicensed (but very gentle with his words) gynecologist and Blexpert (Black expert) Joe Biden has used all of his expertise to his advantage in hopes of becoming the next leader of the free world. A true renaissance man who doesn’t sit on his ass all day tweeting, (shots fired President Tweety). With that knowledge how do you not want to vote for a man as cool as him? He likes Michael Jackson. Who doesn’t like a white guy who likes Michael Jackson? Who wouldn’t vote for a man with so many talents and great taste in music? I’ll tell you who would, BLACK PEOPLE! This means if you don’t vote for him you must not be black, right? RIGHT?????
I’ve always been honest with you, reader, and today will be no different. Well there is one thing different. Up until the moment Joe Biden gave me my DNC test results (Different from a DNA test) I was living the life as a black man, but apparently my DNC test results came back “negative” for blackness. I don’t remember asking for this unsolicited test, nor was I expecting test results of any kind but this isn’t the first time Joe Biden imposed on the unsuspected. Like I said, the man is very persistent and has a way with words. Finding out that I wasn’t black hurted me, but to hear Joe Biden say “If you have a problem figuring out whether you’re for me or Trump, then you aint black” put me at ease. I credit Joe Biden for my transition, but it is hard. It’s hard out here for a spirit. Colorless, but still living in a black and white world. I look back on the day I got my DNC test results and not being pleased with the results. Do I regret not siding with Biden? No.
It’s still fuck Joe Biden and Donald Trump.
I know there are many other people out there who feel the same way I feel. Many other former blacks forced into transitioning due to the negative result we got back from the DNC test. I wonder if those people asked Joe Biden for a test? Is he even a REAL gynecologist? I’ll ask Tara Reade that question, but to my fellow former blacks, my advice to you is to “move on.” Move on from the DNC testing and DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT TO YOU AND WHAT’S IN YOUR BEST INTEREST!
I’ve moved on from the DNC testing along time ago. Now I need to move forward in other areas of my colorless life. I started to ponder the possibilities that could come with living the rest of my life as a former black. Here are a few notes I wrote in my journal.
Horny Thoughts As A Former Black.
If I’m not black, does that make me white? Whoa, if I’m white, that means Dojacat might actually f*ck me? AWESOME, DUDE! Do I have to say “dude” and “awesome” all the time? WHOA! If I’m white, that just means I finally get to “do it” with ebonys! Not just any ebony, the one’s who spend their time tweeting anti-black misandry while claiming to be “pro-black.” They don’t scare me like the other ebonys who only date, fuck and marry black men. But then there is the obvious… my looks.”
“When I look in the mirror, I still see someone black. When I go to the bathroom and pull my Johnson out, It’s still Big Black and Cool. If I’m a white guy, can I still call my Johnson a “Johnson?” Is it Johnson with a little j? johnson? Can I still refer to my BBC as Big, Black and cool? My BBC isn’t like their bbc. It’s not bland, boisterous and caucasian, so how can I, a former black, live the life as a living white if optics say otherwise? This will never workout in my favor amongst the black “anti-black men” feminist and “political pundits.” They’ll take one look at me and say I deserve to be killed by the police. Being blind is not the same as being dumb and these women aren’t blind.
Hungry Thoughts As A Former Black.
Black or not, I’m still broke and I’m still hungry. I’m craving something spicy. Hot Cheetos? They’re good, but I’ll pass. I need something with more with pizzaz. HOT SAUCE! That’s something my bl- oh yeah, I’m not black anymore… So does that mean I can’t have some of Hillary Clinton’s hot sauce? What do people with non-black asses put on their food? Asking any other former black out there who has mastered the art of eating. If you’re reading this, please help. I’ll be 29 in August and I’ve lost the ability to eat. Not due to any physical ailment, but because all of my life prior to getting my unwanted DNC test results from Jod Biden I was eating things black people ate. Damn, I should’ve listened to Hillary and Kamala and put hot sauce on everything when I was black.
Real Nigga Thoughts As A Former Black.
Can I sa ity? Can I, a former black say “the word?” If my skin color (that hasn’t faded away yet) doesn’t constitute me being able to say that word then what does? Voting for Joe Biden? I guess it does since all of the black people are voting for him. FUCK IT! Today I’m feeling brave. Like a white boy on social media. Today I’m feeling brave. Like a white boy amongst black teens from Generation Z. Today, I’m choosing to be another non-black person to use the n-word. Try and stop me, NIGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Listening to Music As A Former Black.
Eminem is truly the G.O.A.T! His ability to rap fast makes him the G.O.A.T. Logic also raps fast. He’s a baby goat in the making. Joyner Lucas is so cool, because he gets it. He understands how stupid racism is. He understands how uncool it is for black people to misjudge white people. Joyner isn’t afraid to tell black people they can’t say n*gga if white people can’t say “nigga.” He gets it.
On a side note, I think I’m getting used to this former black life. I feel like I lost a lot of braincells when I transitioned, but I feel like something is blissful about it. I don’t know what it is, but I feel like my black self would have been smart enough to pinpoint this bliss.
