Changing My Mind About Living Together Before Marriage
One of those rare moments the stubborn black mule is changing his mind, I’d pay attention if I were you.
I used to think it was crazy for people to wait till marriage to cohabitate with one another. “What if that person lives like a pig?” “What if they are too loud?” “What if they are too quiet?” “What if they like to live in a house that’s always 90 degrees or higher?” “What if they like to live in a house that is always below zero?” “What if the sex is bad?”
I no longer fear monger myself into doing the righteous thing by not wanting to live with my partner before marriage. This has nothing to do with religion despite the two individuals who convinced me to change my mind on it do it for religious reasons.
Why?
I tried to be the good unbiased former Christian boy by looking up what God (or some man) said about living with your partner before marriage. I found nothing. Everything pointed to what the Bible says about sex before marriage, and we all know living with someone doesn’t mean you’re having sex with them. My last long-term relationship was like that and I’ve seen plenty of unwed and unwet couples who live together, so living with someone doesn’t constitute sex. With that being said, I don’t think the “sin” lies in living with your partner, more so having sex with them before marriage. Read Hebrews 13:4 and Corinthians 7:2 on the emphasis on maintaining “sexual purity” before marriage. If you have the will power, you and your partner can live together and still be “sexually pure.” The same misconstruction occurs when discussing what the Bible says about same sex relations. Same sex romantic relationships aren’t frowned upon in the Bible, sexual intercourse with the same sex is the “sin.” Don’t take these ramblings as statements I agree and live by, I’m just saying if you thought my reasons for why I no longer want to live with a romantic partner before marriage were religious based, you’re wrong, respectfully. My reasons are personal.
As mentioned before, I’ve lived with a partner before. What I learned about that situation was I can’t live with someone I don’t see myself marrying first, and marriage will come first… well technically we’ll “come” before marriage if you know what I’m saying. This decision best fits me because I truly cherish my alone time and that was not something that was respected when I was living with an ex. When you’re dating to marry I think it’s imperative that both people take the time to learn each other as much as possible so when it is time to live together, they already have a clear idea on how the other person lives. Not living with your partner does not mean not experiencing your partner’s personal quarters. Literal quarters for some folks. If you zoom in on a quarter, you can see a New York couple bumping into each other every turn they make because apartments are so fucking small and cheaply made. In all seriousness, you get to see how your potential wife or husband is when you see who and how they are when alone. If they keep a tight shift and manage money well on their own, it’s likely they’ll do the same when you two are married. “What if I get sick of living with my partner, but we’re locked in due to our vows?” Marry someone that you won’t get sick of and vice versa, simple. You’ll know when it happens. Listen, if you came here expecting a full proof plan, you’re expecting me to go above and beyond my pay grade and expertise. As always, I’m just sharing my thoughts. Don’t marry someone you have doubts about.
References
https://www.hrc.org/resources/what-does-the-bible-say-about-homosexuality
